Supporting Children After Distressing or Tragic Events

What research in child psychology tells us can help

Distressing or tragic events can reach children in many ways. Sometimes they are discussed openly within families. Other times, children overhear adult conversations, see headlines on a television left running, or encounter information online without context. Even when events happen far away, they can still feel close and unsettling for a child who is trying to make sense of the world.

Many parents find themselves unsure about how much to say, how to say it, or whether raising the topic might make things worse. These concerns are understandable. Children often pick up far more than adults realise, and when uncertainty is left unspoken, worries can grow quietly in the background.

This article shares general information drawn from established research in child development, trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and evidence-based anxiety treatment. It is intended for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual assessment or personalised psychological support.

Why talking with children about distress matters

Children are highly attuned to their environment. They notice changes in adult tone, facial expression, routine, and emotional availability, often well before they have words to describe what they are sensing. When something distressing occurs, children may feel that something is wrong without understanding what has happened or why the adults around them seem different.

Without gentle explanation, children are left to fill in the gaps themselves. Because children tend to personalise events, they may imagine situations as closer, more dangerous, or more relevant to their own lives than reality. Calm, age-appropriate conversations help organise their understanding, reduce unnecessary fear, and reassure them that trusted adults are aware of what is happening and available to support them.

In clinical practice, child psychologists often see that children’s distress is driven less by the event itself and more by uncertainty, misunderstanding, or a lack of reassurance from the adults around them.

How children process distress at different ages

Children’s responses to distressing events vary depending on their developmental stage, temperament, and previous experiences. In many households, parents are supporting children across several age groups at once, which can add complexity to these conversations.

Younger children

Younger children tend to think in very concrete ways and often struggle with concepts such as distance, time, and probability. They may also engage in egocentric thinking, meaning they can believe events happen because of something they did or failed to do.

Distress at this age is often expressed through behaviour rather than words. Parents may notice increased clinginess, changes in sleep or appetite, more tears, or a return to behaviours the child had previously grown out of. For example, a child who suddenly wants to sleep in a parent’s bed or becomes distressed at separation is often seeking reassurance that their world remains safe and predictable, rather than reacting to the details of the event itself.

Clinicians frequently observe that these behavioural changes are a child’s way of communicating emotional needs when they do not yet have the language to describe worry or fear.

Primary school–aged children

School-aged children are developing a stronger understanding of cause and effect. They may begin to worry about fairness, rules, and whether something similar could happen to them or to people they care about.

Common responses include repeated questions about safety, increased irritability, emotional sensitivity, or difficulty settling at night. A child asking, “Could that happen here?” is often trying to assess risk and regain a sense of control, rather than seeking detailed information.

From a developmental psychology perspective, these questions reflect a normal attempt to restore predictability and meaning after uncertainty.

Adolescents

Adolescents are capable of abstract thinking and are often exposed to significantly more information than adults realise. Social media, peer discussions, and constant news updates can intensify emotional responses, particularly when events are replayed or debated online.

Some adolescents respond by engaging deeply with details, opinions, or moral questions. Others may appear detached, cynical, or angry. What looks like indifference can often be a protective response to feeling overwhelmed. Many adolescents process distress internally and may not want to talk straight away, even though they still benefit from knowing that supportive adults are available.

Across all ages, responses can be immediate or delayed. It is not uncommon for worries or behaviour changes to emerge days or weeks later.

The role of adults in emotional modelling and regulation

Children learn how to manage difficult emotions by observing the adults around them. Before children can regulate their own feelings, they rely on adults to help contain and make sense of emotional experiences.

This does not mean parents need to hide their own reactions. It can be reassuring for children to see that adults can feel sad, unsettled, or shaken and still cope. What matters is that emotions are acknowledged and managed rather than overwhelming the household.

For example, saying, “I’m feeling a bit sad about what I heard today, but I’m okay and we’re safe,” communicates emotional honesty while maintaining a sense of stability. When adults try to appear unaffected, children may instead sense that emotions are being suppressed or that certain feelings are not safe to talk about.

Research in attachment-informed care highlights that children feel safest when adults are emotionally available, predictable, and able to stay calm in the presence of difficult feelings.

Talking with children about distressing or tragic events

A helpful starting point is to ask what your child already knows. Research shows that anxiety is often fuelled by misunderstandings or partial information, rather than by accurate, age-appropriate explanations.

Questions such as “What have you heard about this?” or “What do you think happened?” allow adults to correct inaccuracies and avoid introducing frightening details unnecessarily.

With younger children

For younger children, explanations are most helpful when they are simple, brief, and factual. Graphic detail is best avoided, with reassurance focused on the child’s immediate safety.

For example: “Something very sad happened, and people are feeling upset. The helpers are taking care of it, and you are safe here with us.”

Younger children often need information repeated. Repetition is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a common way children process uncertainty and seek reassurance.

With adolescents

With adolescents, conversations often work best when they are collaborative rather than directive. Instead of providing all the answers, it can help to listen, ask open questions, and acknowledge uncertainty.

You might say, “There’s been a lot in the news lately. How are you feeling about it?” Some teenagers will want to talk straight away, while others may prefer time and space. Letting them know you are available, without pushing, respects their growing independence while maintaining connection.

Clinicians often note that brief, ongoing check-ins tend to be more effective than one-off, intensive conversations.

Considering news and social media exposure

Research consistently shows that repeated exposure to distressing news can heighten anxiety, particularly in children and adolescents. Even when children appear disengaged, background news or online content can keep their stress response activated.

Helpful considerations include reducing background news at home, checking in about what children are seeing online, and encouraging breaks from social media, especially before bed. With adolescents, these conversations are often more effective when framed around wellbeing, mood, and sleep rather than strict rules or bans.

What responses are typical and when extra support may help

Many children show short-term emotional or behavioural changes following distressing events. These reactions are often part of a normal stress response and settle with reassurance, routine, and time.

Extra support may be helpful if difficulties persist or escalate, such as ongoing sleep disruption, heightened anxiety that does not ease, withdrawal from usual activities, or significant mood or behaviour changes that interfere with daily life. Seeking guidance early can help prevent worries from becoming more entrenched.

Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing, but research shows that calm presence, honesty, and willingness to listen matter far more than finding perfect words.

Rebuilding a sense of safety

A sense of safety is rebuilt through ordinary, predictable experiences rather than one conversation alone. Routine, consistency, and connection are among the strongest protective factors following stress.

Maintaining regular meal times, school attendance, and bedtime routines helps signal to a child’s nervous system that the world remains safe and manageable. Simple actions, such as spending a few quiet minutes together at the end of the day or checking in during low-key moments, often do more to restore a child’s sense of security than repeated reassurance.

A final note to parents and carers

Children are resilient, particularly when supported by calm, attuned adults. You do not need perfect words or complete answers to help your child feel safe.

If you find yourself feeling unsure about how your child is coping, or if worries, sleep difficulties, or behaviour changes are persisting, speaking with a qualified child mental health professional can be a helpful next step.

The team at Sydney Children’s Practice provides evidence-informed psychological support for children and families, with a focus on understanding each child’s individual needs. Parents are welcome to get in touch to discuss concerns or explore whether additional support may be helpful.

These ideas are drawn from current best practice in child and adolescent psychology.